Importance
by Darling Summers
Summary: Shirley reflects over her hatred of Connie. Julia Golding owns all, R and R, please!


_**A/N: **_Here's something abnormal- I decided that I'd try to get inside the scary place that is Shirley's head! This is how I think Shirley would feel towards Connie, and why. Even though she can be quite a hard character to sympathise with, I've done my best to give it a kind-of happy ending, so please read and review! Dedicated to my little brother Cillian who put me into the right mindframe for writing this :D

* * *

_Importance_

I looked on in disgust as Connie picked up Col's hand, radiating with happiness. Showing off how perfect the little universal was. As if her powers weren't enough, she went and claimed Col for herself. I can't stand it- everybody thinks that she's so special, just because she's the Society's only universal.

I didn't always hate her so much. When I first heard that there was a new universal in Hescombe, I thought that it would be my chance to become even more popular, even more important in the Society's eyes.

When I first met Connie Lionheart, I couldn't believe it. That such amazing powers could be bestowed on such a timid, tiny thing was ridiculous. I had seen her before, of course, when I was talking to Col, but I just thought that she was one of those sad little members of Col's fan club.

Col was popular back then too- back before she ruined everything.

Col and I could have been perfect for each other. My younger mind had already decided that I would have Col, when I was old enough. I had always gotten everything I wanted- why should Col be any different? I didn't want to get too close to him, and get typecast into something that was purely platonic, so I kept my distance, checking in with him from time to time to make sure that my plan of moulding him into the perfect boyfriend for me was running smoothly.

Funny, isn't it?

Connie did everything completely wrong. She latched herself to Col like a limpet to a rock. They had had plenty of fights- I knew that much. Every time I noticed that they were not talking to each other, I felt a small glimmer of satisfaction.

But she still got Col.

I honestly couldn't see what was so special about her. It's not like she was particularly pretty, or interesting, or cool.

Connie was what Connie always will be- odd.

Col knew that- he was well aware of it, in fact. I found out when he came to my fourteenth birthday party- I had considered that a huge achievement. Up until he was eleven, I had always sent Col an invitation to my party. And he had always come. But as soon as Connie came into his life, there was no room for me to cling to the edges.

Strange, that somebody who seemed so powerless could slowly leach the value from everything I held dear.

First, my companion. It was Connie's fault that my storm giant was expelled from the Society. I got another one, of course. One that had been so thoroughly brainwashed by the Society's ideals that he shuddered at the mere mention of Kullervo. If Connie hadn't drawn Kullervo to the area, my companion would never have been exposed.

I knew, obviously, what my companion was doing. I wished that I could have done the same, but there was no room for a human on Kullervo's forces. I gave up on the idea after a while. I didn't really want it, after all- I wouldn't have gained anything from it, I'm sure.

Secondly, my own importance. Of course, nobody cared about the other members of the Chartmouth Chapter once they heard that the _universal_ was located there. Col made a name for himself as a pegasus rider too, I suppose. But there's hardly room for a weather giant companion to become famous within the already exclusive Society. Even though weather giant companions are one of the rarest, you don't see the Trustees coming down to Hescombe just to check up on the progress of a weather giant companion. It changed for a little while, when my mentor Mr. Coddrington became a Trustee. It was the first time I had felt significant since Connie had overshadowed me. But she had to go and ruin that too. Mr. Coddrington lost his post, and it was all her fault.

Third, last and most important. Col.

She had started long before I had noticed. I don't know when exactly it happened. Maybe it was when he first saw her at her most vulnerable, when Kullervo had tried to take her for the first time.

If only he had succeeded.

Maybe it was when he had come to her rescue, after in her pathetic devotion she had tried to do the same for him. I bet she really loved that- her very own knight in shining armour.

Maybe it was when she became an outcast. I began to suspect that Col had felt something towards his 'best friend' at this stage, but I was convinced that he had gotten over it.

I was wrong.

I was so assured that I had won, that Col was finally mine. He had rejected me completely, steadfastly, _sickeningly _loyal to Connie.

In that moment, I knew that I had lost. Connie had won his heart, and for once, I did not get what I wanted.

In one last, desperate attempt to get back what was never mine, I tried making him jealous. At my fourteenth birthday party, I danced with Arran the whole time, not asking Col for a single dance. Arran was obviously my first choice- he was handsome enough to potentially make Col jealous, and it didn't hurt that I wasn't too fond of his companion.

I had failed. Miserably.

Later on that summer, I thought for one fleeting moment that I still had a chance. It was the night of the battle on the moors, and I had been left in charge of the phone line. I felt important again as I rang every single number on the Society contact list my dad had given me, but through all of those calls, a single call from Hescombe managed to slip through.

_Finally,_ I thought. _Here's my one chance to show Col what he's missing- that Connie can never live up to his standards._

What he replied with made me drop the phone in shock. Kullervo had set fire to the refinery in Chartmouth, and was holding Connie captive. Connie had tried to give her life to save Col.

In that moment, I woke up, clichéd as it might sound.

The things that Kullervo were doing weren't for the benefit of everyone. As casualties poured into the barn, some on the verge of death, I realized that what he was doing was affecting, was _hurting_ real people.

And now, as I look at their intertwined hands, I'm finally starting to believe that they deserve a little happiness together.

Even if it's in a way that I can't achieve.

_**So, what do you think? Please drop a review on your way out and let me know! :D**_


End file.
